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My 2004 Christmas wasn't really a blast. 2005 made up for it.

Christmas of 2004:
I did not go to my granny's for the family Christmas thing. My folks were in Davao, my sis had her own family to attend to. I did not want to go to the Christmas dinner @ my granny's alone since I knew I was gonna be bored like hell. I was single then.

I decided to stay home and have my own "Christmas Dinner".

I just sipped red wine. Ate the food I bought from Chowking earlier that night. Watched DVDs, watched TV. Listened to the Christmas fun and laughter of the people inside the units close to mine. Tears flowed from my eyes, as I forced myself to sleep. I did not get to sleep. I just lay there, eyes-closed as I awaited for all the Christmas fun, laughter and noise fade. Then Christmas morning came. I went to the mall and shopped.

Christmas of 2005:
I took 5 days of Vacation Leave from work. I booked a trip to Davao to spend Christmas with my family. I somehow am already tired of family gatherings and parties, but this year, I wanted to go back home and tell my parents who I really am.

The days before Christmas Eve were extremely long as I was spending time with old friends, catching up on our lives. All those days were extremely longer as I was looking for a window of opportunity to come out to my folks.

Coming out is not easy. And you can never be too prepared.

We ate dinner around 8PM and I decided to go back up to my room. I just wanted to lie down, watch TV and wait for midnight. (I guess I'm too old for Christmas. I don't really feel that sort of excitement children have - waiting for midnight to open the gifts up, then go out and play with other children.) Midnight came and went, but I was asleep. I did not get to do the traditional Christmas Midnight Noche Buena. But it did not matter.

When I got up, I carefully planned in my mind how I would tell my folks about me. Everytime I came out to someone, I made sure I broke it to them gently.

Since it was the 25th of December and the Metro Manila Film Festival Philippines already started, I quickly came up with a grand plan.

Mano Po 4: Ako Legal Wife was the only movie I planned on watching during this season's film fest. I knew that there existed a character named Hamilton Chong (played by John Prats), a closeted gay man. This, I knew, should set the pace for me.

After the film, I brought them to Blugre Cafe (there is no Starbucks in Davao, and Blugre is the next best thing). My older brother and I brought our laptops and did some stuff for work there. The cafe had free wifi access (yes there is wifi in davao!).

I was chatting with my boyfriend HAN (jHANdi) over ym. Then I went on to open his friendster account and view his pictures. My mom was curiously looking at my monitor. Then she asked who were in the pictures. "My Friends", I quipped.

Less than five minutes later, I showed her one of HAN's pix and told her that the guy was my "uyab". Uyab is the bisaya androgynous term for BF/GF/Lover, just like the Filipino NOBYO and KASINTAHAN.

"That's a guy."

"Yes, he is a guy. His name's Jhandi and he's currently in New York."

"So you're gay?"

"Yes, I am."

smiles

"There he is." I then clicked on Jhandi's webcam window

Mom pinches my cheeks, smiling

It was that simple. No complications. She asked me a lot of questions about my bf and my life and about the "close friend" I always hung out with some two to three years ago. I told her that yes, HE was my boyfriend. Then she dropped her bomb.

"Oh, I see. I knew it."

Then she went on smiling. My mom wears her heart on her sleeve, and I knew that she was happy. She still is. My brothers who were there just looked at HAN's pics. My brother then made this funny remark: "So, naglaladlad ka na pala. Parang Ako Legal Wife." Something of that sort. We all laughed.

And that was the end of it.

I am OUT and Proud.

I just wish it was THIS easy for everyone of us. I guess I'm just lucky that I have a family like mine. We may not be emotionally open amongst ourselves, but we sure stand by each other through thick and thin.

It's IN to be OUT!